If You’re There When The Doctor Says It Will Be Real…

“But if you’re there when the Doctor says it, then it will be real.  I don’t want you there, because then I can keep lying to myself and I don’t know if I can handle the truth.” -Anonymous Client

If you’re there when the doctor says your illness is seriously real, how would you take it? How prepared are we to face a health battle? Do we consider opening up and getting support? Or do we choose to hide and fight it alone?  

The greatest nugget of truth spoken from love last week. I was so proud when this person shared this statement and a few others out loud with me last week.  How do you get through a feeling and moment like this? 

We so often are not able to articulate and put the words around why we make the decisions we make. That is ok when the choices are fried or grilled chicken.  It is actually OK at any time and there are consequences for our choices and sometimes those consequences are much greater in one situation than another.

To make the statement that this person made, they had to trust that they would not be judged, made wrong, or harmed.  They had to know that it was safe to be that honest and vulnerable.

Are there people in your life that allow you to have this space? If not, I highly recommend you hire a few people like a counselor and a coach. If you can find ones that work together, even better.  I team up with some counselors and it has an even greater impact.

When it comes to processing big life events they say that one of the biggest neurological hurdles is processing through the experience.  Part of processing through something is giving it voice and having it leave your mouth.  When you do that different parts of your brain fire up and gather that information and it flows along new neural-pathways, you then take that information that has been ping ponging around inside your head, cutting a deep grave of ideas and thoughts in only one way and add it to other parts of the brain, allowing those thought processes to combine and work together.  Then you move it to another set of neurons in the brain by journaling by hand writing. 

Scientists have following this chain of events in the brain for people who have experienced some big life events like cancer, death of a loved one, trauma and violence  and they can watch the brain neurology shift and expand on a problem and involve more and more parts of the brain as the person does the steps I’ve mentioned.

It is exciting for me when I hear someone say “But if you’re there when the Doctor says it, then it will be real.  I don’t want you there, because then I can keep lying to myself and I don’t know if I can handle the truth.” because that means they are taking a huge step in a new direction of processing the situation and coming to a new set of options and opportunities.

If you’re wondering what I said next, here it is:  “Thank you for sharing that, I hear you and I understand.  Let me know when you’re ready to shift that and I will be there for you. Is there anything more that goes with that thought?”  It turns out there was even more.


1. Have some trusted advisors that you can tell anything to, and they won’t judge you, they won’t fix you or try to solve the problem, they will just hear you and support you.

2. To get THROUGH something you need to engage all parts of the brain as soon and as often as possible.

  • Speak things out loud
  • Write things down in a journal
  • Allow time for the neurons to process and connect the information
  • Share the story or experience as often as you want or need to and allow the story to evolve with the new information your brain is connecting and has processed. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have read somewhere or heard how to get over a major stressor you just need to go through it.  Not enough people have ever explained what that means.  This is part of what that means.

Thanks for joining me for another little story from the life coach’s corner.

JoyGenea Schumer

Business Owner, International Neurodiversity Coach and Speaker

P.S. Cancer in a friend is a process to go through and my sharing this is part of my processing.


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