No Judgment From Me: Doing The Best We Can With What We Have

“Never question other people’s choices more than you question your own judgment and choices.”  ~JoyGenea Schumer

As a recovering enabler from time to time I can feel my mental conversation sliding back into that old way of thinking. Because I like to be in recovery and it is much healthier for my mental state, I try to stay cognizant of that internal conversation and notice if anything that could be self-sabotaging is starting. Having the gift to be around addicts in recovery I see them doing the same thing and that is what they tell me. They are always scanning their thoughts and making sure that they are not headed off into the ditch.

In case you don’t know what, an enabler is, it is a person who encourages or enables negative or self-destructive behavior in another. I, in no way at the time, thought that was what I was doing. Trust me, my internal conversation went something more like; “But if I don’t do that they might die” about a million times a day. It really was exhausting. Just so you know, when I stopped doing all of those things to prevent them from living their best and fullest life, they did not die, things got better for them and for me.

Anyway, back to this weekend.

 I have a few people in my life that are fighting with cancer and some other medical issues and things got a little tricky for them recently. I noticed that it really fired up my “enabler” dialog. I wanted to step in and on them and just take over to assist. That way of thinking, that you might be smarter or know more than the person themselves about what is best for them is complete crap. You never know what is best for another adult person. It is their life, and they get to decide. The facts are; you might not like their decision and their decision might dramatically change the quality and quantity of their life. SO WHAT? Who am I to know better than they do? 

What I did learn from my internal conversation being slightly hijacked and focused on my friend’s life, is that I love them very much, so much that I am willing to do crazy things to keep them in my life. I also learned that I could calm that dialog and shift it into focusing and celebrating the gifts of the moment and the time that I have remaining with them.

“Never question other people’s choices more than you question your own judgment and choices.”

This was a new area of my life that I noticed an old and bad behavior trying to resurface. The holiday’s can be a trigger for those types of things. This is just a little reminder to be mindful of your own thoughts and objectives in the coming days. Stay in your lane and don’t judge why and how other people made the decisions they have made. They are just like you, doing the best that they can with what they have. 


JoyGenea Schumer
Business Owner, International Neurodiversity Coach and Speaker

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