For years you carried a story about yourself, and the story went like this. Something is wrong with me. Everyone else got the manual. I keep working harder and I still can’t do the simple thing, so the problem must be me.
That story has a lot of layers. Shame is in there. Blame is in there. Guilt sits right on top of the procrastination, and underneath all of it is one question you have asked yourself a thousand times. Why can’t I just do this the way other people do?
So hand that over to me, and let’s look at it a bit.
You are not a problem to be solved.
Your brain was never the problem. Your unconventional thinking was never the problem. Sit with that for a second, because it goes against everything you were trained to believe.
How do you think you built such a successful company? You have more thoughts and more ideas in a single day than most people have in a month. You see three moves ahead while the room is still catching up on move one. That way of thinking found the opening nobody else saw. It is the reason people look to you for direction.
The wiring was never the flaw. The story about the wiring was.
The thing my clients lose first
When a high-performing leader starts working with me, here is what I watch for in the first few sessions. Not the strategy gap. Not the calendar. The self-worth.
Self-worth and self-confidence are almost always the first thing to go, and they go quietly. You can run a business, close deals, lead a team, and still be operating on a foundation that whispers you are one mistake away from being found out. You have gotten very good at performing over the top of that whisper. Most people around you have no idea it is there.
Rebuilding that foundation is step one. Not step four. Not the thing we get to once the systems are in place. Step one. I have written before that self-worth is step one, and I mean it as literally as it sounds. Everything else waits on it.
Why worth comes before strategy
Here is the part most coaching skips, and it is the reason so much of it does not stick for you.
No tactic holds on a foundation of “something is wrong with me.”
You can learn the framework. You can install the system. You can leave the workshop fired up. And then the old story reaches up, grabs the new behavior by the ankle, and pulls it back under. Not because the tactic was wrong. Because the ground it was standing on could not hold weight.
This is why the culture’s favorite advice fails you. Fix your weaknesses. Shore up the gaps. Become well-rounded. I have said plainly that most people think fixing your weaknesses is the key to success, and they are wrong. When you spend your life sanding down what makes you different, you are not building worth. You are confirming the story that the different parts are defects. You are agreeing with the whisper.
The unlock
The turn happens when you separate your worth from your output.
Right now those two things are fused for you. A good quarter, you feel worthy. A dropped ball, you feel like a fraud. Your sense of your own value rides up and down on your performance like a stock ticker, and it is exhausting, and it is also completely unreliable as a foundation to grow from.
Worth is not the score at the end of the day. Worth is the platform the score gets made on.
When you stop earning your worth back every single morning, something changes in how you lead. You make decisions faster, because you are not running each one through a fear of being exposed. You stop getting pushed around, because you are no longer negotiating from a place of “please don’t notice I don’t belong here.” You spend your time on what actually matters, because you trust the person making the call.
That is what confidence actually is. Not a feeling you generate on a good day. A foundation you stop questioning.
And here is the quiet trap on the way there. When you narrate your own competence as luck, when you talk yourself out of what you clearly did well, you are doing a version of what I call self-gaslighting. You are arguing against your own evidence. Reclaiming your worth starts with letting the evidence stand.
The confidence you have been waiting to earn is not out ahead of you, on the far side of one more achievement. It is underneath you. It always was. I know it’s there, and it’s about time we shine some light on it.
Your unconventional thinking was never the problem. What would change this week if you finally believed that?
Sincerely,
Coach JoyGenea
Video Transcription:
Hey, you. Hey, hey. Yeah, you. The confidence you’re waiting to earn is already there. You already have this, and I wanna talk about that for you unconventional leaders, you different thinkers, you. For years, you carried around a story about yourself. The story went something like this: “Something’s wrong with me, because everyone else seems to have gotten the manual, and I am not figuring out h- exactly how I work, and I am missing a few pages from this little binder of who I am, and how this works, and how to be super successful.”
You keep working harder, and you still can’t do the simple thing, so the problem… Well, you start to tell yourself, “It must be me. It must be me that’s the problem.” But the story has lots of layers, right? Shame is in there. Blame is in there. Guilt sits kind of right on top, hangs out with procrastination, and underneath all of this is one question you have asked yourself 1,000 times.
“Why can’t I just do this the way other people do it, the way I see other people doing it?” So- Hand that over to me. That’s how you felt… When I’m working with clients, I’m like, “Hand that over to me, and let’s look at that a bit,” ’cause I don’t- I’m not believing that. You’re not a problem to be solved. You’re just understanding yourself without some proper language. That’s it. So let’s go explore that. Your brain was never the problem. Your unconventional thinking was never the problem.
Sit with me for a second because it goes against everything you were trained to believe, but actually, you already have a lot of the confidence you need. You just need to plug into it. How do you think you built such a successful company? You have more thoughts and more ideas in a single day than most people have in a month. You are three moves ahead while the room is still catching up with you on move number one.
That way of thinking found the opening nobody else saw. It is the reason people look to you for direction. Do not forget that. The wiring was never the flaw. The story about the wiring was… is the flaw. I’ll tell it to you a thousand times. We gotta bury that belief. The thing my clients lose first when a high-performing leader starts working with me, here is what I watch for in the first few s- I’m telling you, I usually see it in the free coaching call.
Not a strategy gap, not a calendar issue. It’s the self-worth. The self-worth, the self-confidence are almost always the first thing that go, and they go quietly. You don’t even notice it. You don’t… So often, people can’t even tell me if what was said or how it was said, but something, something was said, something happened, and all of a sudden, their self-worth just feels like it washed away.
You can run a business, close deals, lead a team, and still be operating on a foundation that whispers, “You are one m- mistake away from being found out. Be very careful. You are one mistake away.” You’ve gotten very good at performing at the top of that whisper. Most people around you have no idea it is there.
I know it’s there, by the way. Rebuilding that foundation is step one. Not step four, not the thing we get to once the systems are in place. Step one. Step one is this. I’ve written before that self-worth is step one, and I mean it as literally as it sounds. Everything else waits on it. Everything else is sitting on it.
Why worth comes before strategy. Here’s the part I see a lot of coaches skipping. It is the reason so much of it does not stick for you when it comes to other coaching you might have tried, other systems, so forth. No tactic holds on a foundation of something is wrong with me, right? It’s got nothing to stick to.
It can’t… You can’t build on that foundation. I’m just telling you. You can learn the framework, you can s- install the system, you can leave the workshop fired up. Trust me, I’ve done it a ton of times, and then the old story reaches out, grabs that new behavior by the anchor- ankles, and pulls it right back under.
Not because the tactic was wrong, but because the ground it was standing on had no solid foundation. This is why the culture’s favorite advice probably fails you. You have read so many books and been like, “Why isn’t this working?” Because you do not have the confidence that you need to stand behind it.
You are always worried about that little whisper, always feeling like somebody might find out that you’re thinking differently, that you’re not running off the same manual they are. Trust me, it’s a value, but if you’re living with that, it’s something to be addressed. Fix your weaknesses, shore up your gaps, become well-rounded.
I have said plainly that most people think fixing your weaknesses is the key to success, and they’re wrong, and I’ll say that they’re wrong. When you spend your life sanding down what makes you different, you are not building worth. You are confirming the story that different parts of you might possibly be defective.
You are agreeing with the whisper, and I don’t agree with the whisper. The unlock? Let me tell you. The unlock. The turn happens when you separate your worth from your output. Worth, output, two different things. Right now, those two things are fused for you. Trust me, I see it all the time, all fused up. A good quarter, you feel worthy.
A dropped ball, you feel like a fraud. Your sense of your own value rides up and down on your performance like a stock market ticker, and it’s exhausting, and it is also completely unreliable as a foundation to grow from. Worth is not the score at the end of the day. Worth is the platform the score gets made on. When you stop earning your worth back every single morning, something changes in how you lead.
I promise you. I watch it all the time. You make decisions faster because you are not running each one through the fear of being exposed. You stop getting pushed around because you are no longer negotiating for a place of, “Please do not notice. I don’t belong here.” You spend your time on what actually matters because you trust the person making the call: you.
You begin to trust you, and guess who you need to trust more than anybody else? You. And you sometimes can be the biggest liar to yourself. We’ll get into that in a different video. But you start to trust you. This is what confidence actually is. Not a feeling you generate on a good day. It’s a foundation you stop questioning.
And here’s the quiet trap on the way there. When you narrate your own competence as luck, I’m all for luck, but if you n-narrate it over there, when you talk yourself out of what you clearly did well, you are doing a version of what I call self-gaslighting. You are arguing against your own evidence.
Don’t do that. Uh, I, I’m just saying it out loud. Don’t do that. You actually are incredible. You are actually making incredible decisions. Reclaiming your worth starts with letting the evidence stand. The confidence you have been waiting to earn is not out ahead of you or on the far side of one more achievement.
It is actually underneath you. It has always been there. I know it’s there, and I know it’s about time we shine some light on that so you can reconnect to it. Your unconventional thinking is not the problem. What would change this week if you finally believed that? What would change this week if you finally believed in yourself, in the decisions that you’re making?
If you took a moment to just look back over the last year standing from a place of confidence, standing from a place of, “I do incredible things. I am a good leader.” What evidence could you possibly have to prove that thesis? I bet you can find a lot more. So watch out for that whisper. Watch out for it, because in leadership, just because you’re an unconventional and different thinker doesn’t mean you’re not good at what you do, and doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be there.
It means you should be leading more people. It means you got there because you’re a different thinker. You are unconventional. I’m JoyGenea, International Neurodiversity Coach, Unconventional Leadership Coach, and champion for the unconventional, incredible leader that is inside of you. If you need help exploring and reconnecting into your confidence and your worth, I’m the coach to have that conversation.
Book a free call. Otherwise, if you just wanna keep hearing this kind of great information and be reminded, don’t forget to follow me. It’s fun. Thanks so much, and have an awesome week. Bye now.