I was recently interviewed on a podcast with a group of other professionals who are in the different-thinker field. (I would totally plug the podcast, but they aren’t sure when they will be releasing it. I will keep you posted.) And the host asked a question, “What was one of the biggest things that changed your life and had the greatest impact.
And my answer surprised me a little, it was the first thing that popped into my head, and I think it is very accurate.
The thing that had the greatest impact on my life was that I believed what other people told me about who I was as a person. And it transformed the five-year-old me, who was courageous and strong and exuberant, into a human being filled with fear believing she had no value, thinking she was really stupid. I believed all of the adults’ fears, all of their doubts, all of their worst-case scenarios for my life. If you have never read my blog about being in grade school and deciding I wasn’t going to end my life, because I didn’t know that was an option, that will tell you how much I believed I did not belong in this life. All of that fear cost me years and years and years of my life being me. I lived in shame, fear, denial, embarrassment, and anger. I just couldn’t get to the root of it all, until I did one day after years of putting in the work of healing.
The biggest change was when I realized that I had swallowed their believes as my truth. As I went through the discovery process, which is ongoing, and started to give people back their stories (metaphorically speaking). I literally journaled or wrote letters I never mailed them. I would burn them in my fire pit in the back yard. I would schedule time to talk on the phone, and no one was on the line, but I would speak my truth, as though that teacher was right there listening. As I did these things I was able to reconnect with my own core values and truths. It was like I found a whole new person, who had been locked away as a prisoner, and the prison was conforming to be loved and accepted. When I stopped needing other people to validate my worth, acceptance, and to love me all the time, that’s when I started to experience my own humanity, grace, and love.
I wrote a blog about Amelia Earhart and in that I asked the question; Might she be classified as having ADHD and autism in today’s world?
How different could her life have turned out, if, when she was a child, the people around her had told her she could not follow her dreams, she could not listen to her gut, that she needed to be a certain person, so all of them could be happy and live in ease and comfort.
She would not have made the changes in enrollment in aviation and colleges for women that she did. I don’t believe she would have done a lot of things that she did do.
I also believe that she might not have skipped learning morse code in her hast to start her flight around the world, because she would have had support around her making sure she learned it, because she had a team of people filling in her gaps.
Some people will tell you who you are
And you will believe them
Some people will tell you who you are
And it will remind you who you are
When we have been raised in spaces of lack, by people who were harmed and abused as children and did not have access to the tools to heal, they pass that trauma on. And when that happens, we lose who we are because we are too young to fight back, we just don’t know, and these people are trusted to care for us. And when you add to that neurodiversity and societies confusion about how to best educate and guide us, well you end up with a confused adult who doesn’t really know who they are or what they want. They just know that they don’t want to be in pain.
I am at a place now where for the most part, when people try to tell me who I am, my body knows when they are not right, and I hear that now. Often their comments about my spelling, my goals, my believes about what I can do, being late, and other judgments just remind me, in a strong positive way, who I am.
I am a person who often struggles with spelling. I am a person who is late to meetings at times. I am a big dreamer and business owner. I am a different thinker, and it is going to be confusing for others at time. I am a person who hires for my weaknesses.
If you can relate to this, I would love to hear your story.
Do you know who you are at your core? Can you put it into words? Will you fight for it?
If you are feeling really confused, exhausted, not heard, lonely, and not sure what to do next. I am so sorry that’s where you are right now, and I promise you can get this figured out and start to live an amazing life. Your life.
Feel free to ask any questions or DM me on any of the socials with your feedback.
I really have one huge goal in life and that is for all different thinkers to give back the stories other people told them about who they are and to live out life writing their own stories.
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this topic.
Much love,
Coach JoyGenea
Video transcription:
So I was recently being interviewed on a podcast panel of people, all working in the different thinker world. And the panelist, the host, asked a great question: what was one of the biggest things that changed your life and had the greatest impact?
Typically, those types of questions, he didn’t give it to us in advance, so they might sandbag me and my brain might go blank, and I have to think about it for a while. I didn’t this time. This time it jumped out. The answer jumped out absolutely right away and it was great.
The thing that had the greatest impact on my life was that I believed what other people told me about who I was as a person. And it transformed the five-year-old me, who was courageous and strong and exuberant, into a human being filled with fear, believing she had no value, thinking she was really stupid. I believed all of the adult fears that were around in my life. I, I believed all of their doubts, all of their worst-case scenarios about my life.
If you have never read my blog about being in grade school and deciding I wasn’t going to end my life, because I didn’t know that was an option, that will tell you how much I believed I did not belong in this life, in this moment.
All of that fear cost me years and years of my life feeling like I lived in shame, fear, denial, embarrassment, and anger. I just couldn’t get to the root of it all until I did one day, after years of putting in all of the healing work.
The biggest challenge was when I realized that I had swallowed their beliefs as my truth. As I went through the discovery process, which is ongoing, I started to give people back their stories, metaphorically speaking. I literally journaled and wrote out, and never mailed them, and I would burn these letters in my fire pit in the backyard.
I would schedule time to talk on the phone, literally physically holding a phone with no one on the line, but I would speak out my truth to these, as though those people were there, as though the teacher was right there and I was talking to them. It was like I’d found a whole new person inside myself who had been locked away as a prisoner. And the prisoner was conforming to be loved and accepted.
That is what was keeping me prisoner. There were no chains or bars, it was that desire to be loved and accepted. When I stopped needing other people to validate my worth, acceptance, and to love me all the time, that’s when I started to experience my own humanity, grace, and love for myself.
I recently was writing about Amelia Earhart and about how I think she probably, and quite possibly, would now qualify to be a different thinker. And probably, she showed signs of ADHD and autism as far as I’m concerned. And I wondered, had she been labeled that, would it have limited her? Would she have taken on beliefs of the society in the world at that time that may have completely taken her out of the game of being such an incredible inspiration to so many people, and for being one of the first women pilots at that level?
I don’t know, but I have to guess it probably would have. Could it have also helped her to have understood that? Yes, I think there are some things about understanding that about her brain that would have been helpful. But it’s all about the framing and how that information is shared and what you do with that information.
So, I have a great quote that I wrote this week. It said: some people will tell you who you are, and you will believe them. And some people will tell you who you are, and it will remind you of who you are. And that is the place I want you to come from.
When people speak something to you, you can feel it and you go, no, no, no, you’ve just reminded me who I am, and it is not that. So when you’ve been raised in spaces of lack, by people who are harmed or abused as children and do not have access to the tools to heal, they pass that trauma on, which I see very often in my work.
It’s not only the different thinking, it’s a variety of trauma from adults that have been broken and have not had the opportunity to heal. And when that happens, we lose who we are because we are too young to fight back. We just don’t know, and these people are trusted to care for us. And when you add to that our neurodiversity, which I just talked about, and society’s confusion about how we best educate and guide us, well, you end up with confused adults who don’t really know who they are or what they want. They just know that they want to not be in pain.
So I’m at a place now, and this is why I want to talk about it in my life, for the most part, where when people try to tell me who I am, my body knows when they are not right. And I hear that now often. Their comments about my spelling, my goals, my beliefs about what I can do, being late, their other judgments, just remind me in a strong, positive way who I am.
I can live with that. I’m a person who often struggles with spelling, yep. I’m a person who is late to meetings at times. I’m a big dreamer and a business owner. I am a different thinker, and it is going to be confusing for others at times. They’re not gonna understand when I talk about autism and ADHD and dyslexia and all that, and look at me and go, but you’re really successful, you’re living a life I wish I was living. It’s not gonna match.
They will be confused. That’s not my problem, haha. That’s for them to figure out. I know I need to hire people for my weaknesses to help make me stronger. I know these things. I take action in those places.
If you can relate to this, I would love to hear your story. I really, really would. I would love to know more about that. Do you know who you are at your core? Can you put it in words, and will you fight for it? That’s what I wanna know.
If you are really confused, exhausted, not heard, lonely, not sure what to do next, I am so sorry you are there right now. And I so get it. And I promise you, you can get this figured out, and you can start to live the amazing life you are meant to be living. Your life, your way, at the core of who you are.
So feel free to ask me any questions. I hope this talk has inspired you in some ways, has brought up some information, has got you asking some questions. Please DM me, leave comments. I really wanna hear more.
I really have one huge goal in this life, and that is for all different thinkers to give back the stories other people told them about who they were, how they were gonna succeed, and what their life was gonna turn out like. And I want them to start living out the life that they were meant to be living. I want them to start writing their own stories as who they really, really are.
So I can’t wait to hear from you about this topic. Thank you so much for hanging out with me. I’m JoyGenea, International Neurodiversity Coach, taking leaders to that next level, especially the different thinkers out there that are changing the world. Bye now.