Where Did The Intimacy Go In My Relationship? Dyslexia And ADHD Can Mess With The Chemistry Of Love

“To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.” ~Lao Tzu

The quote at the beginning of this says a lot. If one of the two people in a relationship is feeling like they are carrying the relationship, then they are not feeling supported and loved. That often leads to estrangement, because they feel estranged.

Over the years as I have been coaching clients that are ADHD thinkers or dyslexic thinkers it has been common for a conversation to arise about their relationships. Many of the good things about the relationship and some of the struggles.  I typically hear about the side of the relationship where someone isn’t feeling the chemistry they used to with their partner and feels like maybe their partner is avoiding them. 

Since I know that they are working with me to shift many areas of their life, this is one we need to address. Years ago, I had a really good counselor who drew me a pyramid on a piece of paper and explained the dynamics of a relationship that is hanging out in more of the parent-child relationship point and not in the partnership/shared life point of the pyramid. As you can see, I still recall that conversation. I go back to it often with clients when this topic gets brought up.

It can be hard when you are struggling with your mental health to realize that you are asking a lot from the people around you and when that health starts to shift back into balance, the shift also needs to take place in the intimate partnership you have with another person.

Before you get there, you might want to know a little more about this topic, so let’s dive in.

According to a study, couples who do not share household chores affect their relationship. The one who does more often results in dissatisfaction making them lose interest in being intimate with their partners. 

For instance, if both of you have a full-time job and only one does the labor at home, it makes that person literally tired physically and mentally affecting their sexual desire. Household chores involve a lot of activities or tasks as it not only includes cleaning the house but there are also utility bills to manage and pay, doing inventory of your stocks while making a grocery list, keeping an eye on kids so on and so forth. 

If there is an unequal sharing of chores at home, it makes your partner think that you are solely dependent on them which often leads to frustration affecting their mental health too. With all the tasks they have to do at home aside from the regular job, they are already too tired to be intimate. 

How can we be a better partner?

Communication is the key to all kinds of relationships. It is proven to be an effective tool in keeping a couple’s relationship healthy and lasting longer. 

  • Use “I” words instead of “You” word
  • There must be an equal division of labor 
  • Discuss which chores would you be willing to do 
  • Be sensitive and pro-active

In keeping a healthy and “homey” relationship, it is best to equal your partner efforts by doing labor tasks equally. After all, Acts of Service is one of the Love Languages we can show to our loved ones. 

Thank you,

JoyGenea Schumer
Business Owner, International Neurodiversity Coach, and Speaker

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