You Belong, You Just May Not Have Found Your Community Yet

When you have ADHD, dyslexia, and/or autism as an adult you are now aware of how you don’t totally fit in all the time.

Have you ever felt like this at work or around people? Maybe in social situations you just don’t know what to say when people you don’t know come over to talk with you.

You might even have some social anxiety because of your fear of not finding the words when talking with people.

You may have a feeling much of the time at your job that you just don’t belong there because you’re not connecting well with your co-workers or your managers.

You’re not alone and the feelings you are having are very real.

I will tell you that it is common for the neurodiverse person, and it is something that doesn’t always need to be fixed by you.

There is a chapter in Jamie Kern Lima’s book Worthy that answers this question well.

 

“You’re Just First.”

Jamie Kern Lima

 

Maybe part of why you are not fitting in is about something more than you. Think about some of these options.

• What if you are just the first neurodiverse person to work at this company?
• What if you are the first person to join this group or organization that is neurodiverse?
• What if part of the disconnect you are feeling is just that they struggle to connect?
• What if they don’t have the skills to be a better leader and are only able to lead people just like them?
• What if leadership wants a change and you are the start of that?
• What if not all jokes need to be laughed at in the moment?
• What if you don’t want to be around people who are not growing and flexing in life?
• What if they are scared of change and don’t know how to ask for help?
• What if they are afraid to look weak?

Can you think of a few more I forgot? (Please share them with me, I enjoy updating my content to help more people.)

 

As a different-thinking adult with ADHD, dyslexia, and/or autism you might be socially different than the average person. So what?

You need to decide what that means to you and what you are willing and want to do about it.

 

I have a great story to go with this topic.

I had a client who was avoiding social situations because they felt they were just too boring and the fear of coming up with something to talk about was greater than their desire to go to any events.

We broke it down with these questions.

 

1. On a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being really important) How important is it to you to attend social events?
   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  105 and above means you need to adjust GO TO QUESTION #2Under 5 you’re not that motivated to change the situation, so don’t waste your time, because unless you want it bad enough, you will just set yourself up for failure and then pick on yourself for not achieving the goal. Stop while you are ahead.
   Maybe it’s also time to think about hanging out in a new community or job.

 

2. What makes it above a 5?
   List out all the reasons it matters to you, don’t forget the internal

 

 

3. What reasons do you have for avoiding social situations?

List out the fears, outcomes, and reasons you are not showing up to hang out.

 

 

4. How can you deactivate each of those reasons you gave in question 3?

Write out the opposite of each of the items from question 3.

 

 

5. What are your top five next action steps you can take to create the result you want?

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

 

BONUS GIFT – I made this so you can print it out or download the PDF and use this FREE coaching tool.

 

I hope this tool has helped you consider a couple of things. Does this situation need to be fixed or can be you at peace with it just the way it is? Am I in the right social or work situation?

You have a choice and can take action if you want to.

 

Power Up Note: It is not always easy or possible to be discerning and objective when you are only having a conversation with yourself. Anytime you can work with a trusted advisor, coach, or counselor in these types of situations, you will expedite the results and achieve success 500x faster.

 

When you are the first at something it is a little lonely and isolating, and people will push back. That is actually very normal.

I encourage you to not take it personally and just remind you that this is just as new to them too. Add grace into your thoughts wherever possible and I promise your life will be easier and better.

 

Congratulations on being a different thinker. Just remember you don’t have to different think alone.

 

If you enjoyed this article or think it would be helpful to someone you know forward it on and share it.

 

Have an outstanding next social gathering or day at work.
JoyGenea